A5—Setup

Introduction

Following the self-portrait that I created for Assignment 3, where I explored visually my fear of dancing, I decided to work on a constructed image where I could again portray something that has been occupying my thoughts: aging. In this case, the issue is less one of fear and more a question of making sense of my changing place in the world. I will be eligible to retire in about 18 months, which still seems surprising to me. I am not yet ‘old,’ but I am clearly not a young man, either. It is the experience of ‘in-betweenness’ that I would like to suggest in a photograph.

When I began to think about how I would go about this, I realised that I wanted to be able to look backward and forward at the same time: more than half of my life is behind me, but there may be several decades yet ahead of me. I could see myself using both a window to look through and a mirror to look back. I also decided that I wanted to confront the viewer and that the mirror would help me to do this. I imagined the final image looking something like the following:

In a sense, I wanted to be sure that I was inviting the viewer to look in several directions in a single frame: I and the viewer would have multiple viewpoints. I have always been taken by Ilse Bing’s Self-Portrait in Mirrors, 1931, which seemed a clever way to ensure that the photographer is at once both viewed and viewer: her play with reflections in a self-portrait means that she can see herself, look at the viewer, and see herself being seen. Her image allows for self-examination while being a subject who is not only a participant in the visual game being played, but also to a large degree the one controlling it.

*Ilse Bing*, *Self-Portrait in Mirrors*, 1931 — © 2019 The Ilse Bing Estate

I had also been struck by a painting of the back view of a woman looking out of a window that I saw during a recent visit to the National Gallery of Canada. There is a calm harmony between the outdoor lighting, the palette inside the room and the tones in the woman’s hair, skin and clothes. The image invites the viewer to imagine what the woman is contemplating in the scene before her and what she might be preparing herself for, gas lamp at the ready. The viewer is invited to join the subject of the painting in looking outside, while still being party to some of the view inside the building. It is a painting of a threshold between interior and exterior worlds, and “the collision of looking and being looked at” (Stephens, 2019).

The multiple elements were important to me and I was determined to find a way to incorporate them all: a back-view of the subject, a window with an exterior view, an interior, a mirror, and a gaze that confronts the viewer.

Process

As I thought about how best to create the image and effect that I was looking for, it was clear to me that I would need to use artificial lighting to ensure a close balance between the interior and exterior light levels—I wanted the the image to feel seamless as the viewer looked across and through it. I made the decision to keep the number of props down so that the image was as visually spare as possible—I like relative simplicity and the I was aware that the view from the window would already add a degree of complexity.

View through picture window with initial lighting setup

Ilse Bing’s play with mirrors was interesting to me, but I also wanted to give place to the view outside, beyond the window. For that reason, I deliberately created my set with relatively few props: a chair and a table looking facing a picture window with a winter scene, a mirror and—at least initially—an old graduation portrait of me. My tutor had suggested that including the portrait of the younger me might be telegraphing too much of my intent (my words, not his), so I decided to set the scene both with and without the photograph (I ended up agreeing with my tutor and the final image does not contain the photograph).

I chose a table and chair in neutral colours to complement both the painted wall and the subdued colours of the winter landscape visible through the window. I bought a simple mirror that could be tilted into place to ensure that I could precisely adjust the angle of view between my eyes and the camera. Although only my shoulders would be visible in the frame, I chose a white dress shirt to continue the neutral colour theme (I made a similar choice for my self-portrait for A3).

The major challenge for this constructed image, however, was lighting the set well. Achieving even, balanced lighting inside the room in a way that was not too many stops different from the outdoor scene was difficult, but doable. I had planned to use two 35W LED continuous lights through umbrellas to create a soft light, but I found that I needed to remove the umbrellas to get the most light possible from the two units.

View showing camera position, along with placement of the two LED lights and off-camera flash

Even more challenging was ensuring that there were no reflection from the lights in the picture window. It took a lot of trial and error with repeated trips to the camera’s rear screen to place the lights precisely so that no reflection appeared.

Once I had the room lit satisfactorily, I found that the reflection of my face in the mirror was too dark to be seen properly. I resolved this by placing an off-camera flash on the table in front of me. I set the flash at its lowest power, pointed it at my face and got it to fire with a wireless trigger mounted on the camera. By this point I was attempting to control and compensate for five light sources: windows in front and to my left side, two continuous lights behind me, and a flash in front of me. But it seemed to be working.

Lighting diagram for final series of images

The next step was to pose myself. For each shot, I relaxed my arms and shoulder and positioned my head in one of three ways: looking straight out the window with my eyes turned to the mirror; turning my head toward the mirror; and a mid-point in between these two. I was able to check my position and fire the shutter by linking my camera to an app on my phone. Not only did this give me control of my camera, but it also allowed me to adjust my posture by showing me exactly what the camera behind me could see.

In terms of my reflection, I decided to adopt a facial expression that was at odds with the rest of the scene. The room is calm, the outside scene is a quiet winter’s day in a wooded lot, and my posture is relaxed. My expression works against the general calmness, however, and I believe it serves nicely as a little point that is somewhat ‘off’ in the frame. It is not the largest element in the scene, but humans are naturally drawn to look at faces and I think viewers may be struck by what I believe is a confrontational gaze.

To complete the image, I opened up of any remaining shadows in the room using an image editing program.

Contact sheets